How I got to be Elder of the Internet and Why I am Elder of the Internet and you are not.

Hi,
Welcome and thanks for visiting this page. My name is Don Smith, full name Donald George Smith. Some people call me Don and some people call me Donald; some people call me Don Smith and some Donald Smith. People do this because when I was born I had hair all over like a monkey and my parents named me Donald George Smith after my uncle Don Beck who to the best of my recollection didn't have hardly any hair whatsoever. Isn't it funny that somebody that was born looking like a monkey and sometimes acting like a monkey would grow up to be Elder of the Net. That is my title Elder of the Net; full title Elder of the Internet.
You are probably saying to yourself, yea right who made this guy Elder of the Internet. Well you see first I made my sister Diane Elder of the Internet but she didn't really like it because the pay was bad so I made my niece Chelsea Elder of the Internet and she thought it was kind of dumb to be Elder of the Internet so I decideded to do it myself and I made myself Elder of the Internet.
You are probably wondering how was it that I became Elder of the Internet? You see when I was young there was no internet so of course there was no Elder of the Internet; in fact since there was no internet there was no need for a Elder of the Internet. So when I was young I didn't dream of growing up to be Elder of the Internet and nobody not even my parents or close friends had any idea that one day I would be Elder of the Internet. So after there was an internet I looked and saw that there was no Elder of the Internet and I said "whooooe," there is no Elder of the Internet. Even Bill Gates or Steve Jobs weren't Elder of the Internet, I guess they were to busy being the masters of money making. I thought to myself "hummm, I must be Elder of the Internet. After all the Internet must have a Elder otherwise people will run around willy nilly on the internet. So being the hero that I am I decided my self to be Elder of the Internet so people would not run amuck on the internet. So you are now probably very glad that I am Elder of the Internet and that people aren't running around willey nilley or amuck on the internet.
So please send me money because stuff is expensive!
Now maybe for some reason you don't believe that I Don Smith, full name, Donald George Smith, really is Elder of the Internet or maybe you think that somebody else is Elder of the Internet. I say to you, "pashaw," I am Elder of the Internet. So please send me money stuff is expensive. If you don't have any money to send visit my enchanted picture, toutch the screen and receive blessing from the Elder of the Internet, become prosperous, then visit the tribute page to send money to the Elder of the Internet.
Now if even after I have told you "pashaw," you do not believe that I am Elder of the internet ask Jeeves, who is Elder of the Internet? If you don't believe Jeeves, ask Google, who is Elder of the Internet? If you still don't believe that I Don Smith, full name Donald George Smith am the Elder of the Internet, do you Yahoo?
Now maybe you want to be Elder of the Internet well you can't. If you think you are the Elder of the Internet, you are wrong. You can't be Elder of the Internet because I am, sorry.
Please send money, stuff is expensive.
Thank You, Don Smith, Elder of the Internet