How I got to be Ruler of the Internet and Why I am Ruler of the Internet and you are not.

Hi,
Welcome and thanks for visiting this page. My name is Don Smith, full name Donald George Smith. Some people call me Don and some people call me Donald; some people call me Don Smith and some Donald Smith. People do this because when I was born I had hair all over like a monkey and my parents named me Donald George Smith after my uncle Don Beck who to the best of my recollection didn't have hardly any hair whatsoever. Isn't it funny that somebody that was born looking like a monkey and sometimes acting like a monkey would grow up to be Ruler of the Net. That is my title Ruler of the Net; full title Ruler of the Internet.
You are probably saying to yourself, yea right who made this guy Ruler of the Internet. Well you see first I made my sister Diane Ruler of the Internet but she didn't really like it because the pay was bad so I made my niece Chelsea Ruler of the Internet and she thought it was kind of dumb to be Ruler of the Internet so I decideded to do it myself and I made myself Ruler of the Internet.
You are probably wondering how was it that I became Ruler of the Internet? You see when I was young there was no internet so of course there was no Ruler of the Internet; in fact since there was no internet there was no need for a Ruler of the Internet. So when I was young I didn't dream of growing up to be Ruler of the Internet and nobody not even my parents or close friends had any idea that one day I would be Ruler of the Internet. So after there was an internet I looked and saw that there was no Ruler of the Internet and I said "whooooe," there is no Ruler of the Internet. Even Bill Gates or Steve Jobs weren't Ruler of the Internet, I guess they were to busy being the masters of money making. I thought to myself "hummm, I must be Ruler of the Internet. After all the Internet must have a Ruler otherwise people will run around willy nilly on the internet. So being the hero that I am I decided my self to be Ruler of the Internet so people would not run amuck on the internet. So you are now probably very glad that I am Ruler of the Internet and that people aren't running around willey nilley or amuck on the internet.
So please send me money because stuff is expensive!
Now maybe for some reason you don't believe that I Don Smith, full name, Donald George Smith, really is Ruler of the Internet or maybe you think that somebody else is Ruler of the Internet. I say to you, "pashaw," I am Ruler of the Internet. So please send me money stuff is expensive. If you don't have any money to send visit my enchanted picture, toutch the screen and receive blessing from the Ruler of the Internet, become prosperous, then visit the tribute page to send money to the Ruler of the Internet.
Now if even after I have told you "pashaw," you do not believe that I am ruler of the internet ask Jeeves, who is Ruler of the Internet? If you don't believe Jeeves, ask Google, who is Ruler of the Internet? If you still don't believe that I Don Smith, full name Donald George Smith am the Ruler of the Internet, do you Yahoo?
Now maybe you want to be Ruler of the Internet well you can't. If you think you are the Ruler of the Internet, you are wrong. You can't be Ruler of the Internet because I am, sorry.
Please send money, stuff is expensive.
Thank You, Don Smith, Ruler of the Internet